GOD BLESS OUR MP'S
MP's Expense Claims . . . A Fable For Our Times
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken wall at an MP's house.
One is from Luton, another is from Birmingham , and the third is from
Liverpool
All three go with the MP to examine the wall. The Luton contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then
works some figures with a pencil.
"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run to about £9000:
£4000 for materials,
£4000 for my crew and £1000 profit for me." The Birmingham contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,
"I can do this job for £7000: £3000 for materials, £3000 for my crew and £1000 profit for me."
The Liverpool contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the MP
and whispers,"£17,000." The MP, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys!
How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Liverpool contractor whispers back, "£5000 for me,
£5000 for you,
and we hire the guy from Birmingham to fix the wall."
"Done!" replies the MP.
(and we all have been)
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Cinderella
Cinderella is now 95 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'?
The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:
'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
Cinderella said,
'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother'
The fairy godmother replied,
'It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?'
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.'
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young face returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
'You have one more wish; what shall it be?'
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, 'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.'
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said,
'Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.'
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...
'Bet you're sorry now that you had my balls cut off'
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