Cinderella




Cinderella is now 95 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.



One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.





Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'?

The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
  I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques,  and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.

 Instantly her rocking chair  turned    into   solid gold.

Cinderella said,
'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother'



The fairy godmother replied,


'It is the least that I can do.


What do you want for your second wish?'

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,

'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.'





At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young face returned. Cinderella  felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:

'You have one more wish; what shall it be?'





Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, 'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.'


Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said,


'Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.'

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,
  the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.





Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his
  young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...

'Bet you're sorry now that you had my balls cut off'




Some of my favourite FAIL moments

      
   
 

 

     
 

 

 

   

   

   

 

 

   

   
 


   

 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     
 

   

   
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bar jar

A fellow walks into a bar,
notices a very large jar on the counter,
and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be
more than ten thousand dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks,
'What's with the money in the jar?'

'Well......you pay $10 and
if you pass three tests,
you get all the money and
the keys to a brand new Lexus.'

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up.
And so he asks, 'What are the three tests?'

'You must pay first......
Those are the rules,' says the bartender.

So, after thinking it over a while,
the man gives the bartender the $10
and the bartender drops it into the jar.

'Okay,' the bartender says,
'Here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila,
in a minute or less, and
you can't make a face while doing it.

Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.

Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs
who has never had sex....
You have to take care of that problem!'

The man is stunned.
'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot!
I won't do it!
You'd have to be nuts
to drink a quart of tequila, and
then do all those other things...'

'Your call,' says the bartender.....
'But, your money stays where it is.'

As time goes on, and
the man has a few more drinks,
he finally says,
'Where's the damn tequila?'

He grabs the bottle with both hands
and drinks it as fast as he can.
Tears stream down both cheeks...
but he doesn't make a face, and
he did it in fifty-eight seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door,
where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon the people inside the bar hear
growling , biting, and screaming sounds...
then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that
the man surely must be dead,
he staggers back into the bar,
with his shirt ripped open
and there are scratches and
he's bleeding all over his body.

He says,
'Now where's that old woman
with the bad tooth?'

Mac's on first

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this: 

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT 
 
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. 

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows? 

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. 

ABBOTT: 
Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? 

ABBOTT: 
I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? 

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? 

ABBOTT: 
The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? 

ABBOTT: 
Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? 

ABBOTT: 
Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? 

ABBOTT: 
Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: 
Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? 

COSTELLO: 
How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'.............

Artist at work

Need a good painter?
This guy should qualify!


Before photo: -


A typical concrete & stucco facade

Then the wall starts to take on a

3-dimensional appearance: -


This is Eric, in his element, 30' off the ground.

He does most of the artwork by himself
& researches, paints and designs each project from scratch.


His wife Kathy, also an artist,
serves as project manager.


After photo: -


Finished product

MORE BELOW!


Here are some more examples of Eric's projects: -

 
Before photo: -


Great American Crossroad - Bucyrus , Ohio

After photo: -



Before photos: -

After photo: -


Liberty Remembers

Hard to believe you're looking

at a flat 2-dimensional wall.


How to dress up a drab Shopping Mall in Niagara , NY state


Before photo: -


After photo: -



Also, look at the close-up of the left side: -

 
And the middle: -


(I wonder how many birds fly
into this wall on a daily basis?)


Indoor Murals at the Hallway of Miller Brewery...

Before: -


Miller Fermenting Rooms
Past meets Present in the Miller Brewery Fermenting Rooms.

Hooks, clipboards and aprons were added to

the surface of the murals to enhance the illusion...
After photos: -


You're looking at FLAT walls!

Detail view looking down the illusional hallway in the previous mural: